A Hidden Faith

" So I had to guard my growing enthusiasm...especially around my kids and many of my friends....There was this odd role reversal going on: years ago, I was worried about my parents finding out that I had lost my faith and now I worried that my children would find out that I was looking for it. One of my best friends was on this same path toward belief, but had an even greater dilemma. She was Jewish and her parents were vigorously anti religious, having had a fight of epic proportions with a Rabbi decades ago. Mara worried what her parents and her equally atheistic siblings and college-age children would say if they discovered that she was trying out different temples one by one..."I'd rather tell them about my affair with Antonio!" she said, shuddering at the memory of a disastrous fling with a married man. "
                      

                                    ~ Stalking the Divine, p. 108-109

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The above passage was written by  Kristin Ohlson. She had discovered a small cloister of nuns whom she started writing about, intrigued by their contemplative lifestyle. Something within her was both moved and perplexed at their choice of removing themselves from society and becoming entirely devoted to God. It sparked within her skeptic heart a pull towards the Divine and as she entered on her journey of discovering God she feared the reactions that her family would have towards her new found sense of faith  that was slowly unraveling a path before her towards God. I wonder how many people live hidden lives of faith, keeping the pearls of wisdom they find covered, for fear of shame, criticism, rejection or embarrassment.

Have you ever kept your beliefs secret from others for those reasons? Your journey towards God, a path covered and hidden from those most close to you?

There has definitely been a major shift in our culture where many circles that some of us find ourselves in consider a choice towards religion a step away from the rational and away from the logic of science. While there are many of us that feel religion and science can be compatible and don't necessarily contradict one another when perspective and context is maintained, many others feel one has to either choose one or the other and, for fear of other people's thoughts towards them, keep their choice to themselves and develop a faith that is hidden.

I can relate to this. When I first began on my journey towards discovering God I embarked on my quest  on my own. I was a junior in high school and raised never having gone to church. My parents were highly critical of "church-goers" and cynical towards missionaries and evangelists.  When, after having explored many other philosophies and religions, my heart started opening up to the gospel, I decided it was best to keep it to myself. Faith is such a personal decision and choice and, especially at its conception, criticism  can have a profound effect on the person who is beginning to open up to it. 

Well, my faith wasn't meant to be a secret for very long. Really, none of our faiths are meant to be. Biblically speaking we are called to openly profess and declare our faith with a boldness that is ripe with confidence. I'd like to say that that's how those closest around me found out about mine. But it wasn't. My mother actually discovered my new found beliefs by reading my journal! Oh yes, that's another blog entry entirely! She confronted me that very day and it initially did not go very well.  But God is faithful, because after that point, even though my parents weren't thrilled, I was able to practice my faith in a purely open manner, no longer keeping it to myself. Yes, I experienced criticism but it wasn't as bad as I feared. It was like a wind began to take form beneath the wings of my heart, lifting it higher, allowing me to experience more of God as I began to profess Him more and more to those around me.

The most beautiful thing that happened after my faith was revealed was that a couple of years later my parents and sister came to know and trust in Christ. I can't help but think that if I continued on keeping my faith to myself and didn't go through that initial path of discomfort, that they might never have considered the gospel.  God doesn't call us to be comfortable but to be confident. In fact, He promises us in His Word that sometimes our road won't be easy but we must still press onward and be true to ourselves, to Him and to others as well.

So, dear reader, if you find yourself identifying with this article and perhaps have been keeping your beliefs hidden from those closest to you, I'd like to encourage you to step out in the boldness of Christ. You might feel like you don't have the strength or the confidence but the amazing reality of it all is that we have everything we need within us to reveal the gospel to those in our lives. We have the Spirit to provide us with the strength and discernment that is necessary. His Spirit is within us and can be experienced as a very real presence that will help prompt us with the words that are necessary.

Know that many times the rejection that we sometimes fear from those who might seem hostile towards our beliefs oftentimes doesn't take full form as those that are close to us realize the positive impact God has in our lives. May God use all of us as lamps, shining His light and love to those around us. And if we are rejected by some, though that is tragic, may our words echo Paul's when he said in Philippians 3:8 "  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus...", for surely the greatest treasure we can ever experience is knowing the God who breathed out Creation and sustains the world through His love, living in each one of us.

Thoughts? I would love to hear them in the comments section! Thank you! :)