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Sharing the insights I discover as I explore and experience the mystery that is our reality. Join me in my journey and share yours.




Monday, November 12, 2012

Abandoning Pursuit







"On the one hand there must be the understanding that there is nothing, nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do to improve, transform, or better yourself. If you understand this completely you will realize that there is no such entity as 'you'. Then, if you have totally abandoned this ambition, you will be in the state of true meditation which comes over you spontaneously in wave after wave after wave of amazing light and bliss."
~ Alan Watts' paraphrasing words of wisdom from Krishnamurti, spoken in a private conversation
    (In My Own Way, p. 118)


I could not have come across this passage at a more spiritually ripe time. I read it this morning after the day in which I had the realization that to receive true understanding into the reality and nature of things what is needed is for me is to abandon the pursuit for it entirely. That to be filled with revelation and insight, it is necessary to be empty of any preconceived ideas as to how to attain it. For we are already full of what we need to know. It is merely a matter of flicking the light switch on.

One has to just find the switch, located somewhere on the walls lining the interior that lays within the corridors of one's consciousness. If the walls are covered with so many maps, pictures and mirrors reflecting shifting illusions resembling those of which can be found inside the fun house of a carnival, then one's inner eye can canvass its surface until , as the saying goes, "the cows come home" and still be lost as to its whereabouts. What is needed is to take down even that which appears beautiful, to strip all adornments mercilessly off the walls, so that all that is left is the switch itself. When turned on what appears makes what once lined those walls seem amusingly dull and artificial anyways.

The realization came to me that to simply be is all that one needs to do in order to realize the mysteries of life. In this state, intuition flows freely and  sadhana (spiritual disciplines), take whatever form is needed in that moment. I have often been perplexed and torn regarding which technique of mediation or contemplation I should be practicing for I am often drawn to different ones yet feel as if I should choose just one particular path. Enough worrying about technique, enough fretting about form. Form shapes itself from the space we create by simply allowing life to flow as it will in each eternal moment.  It is then one may be led to chant, to dance, to draw, to simply breathe or become a mirror reflecting the love and light that fills every crevice of one's consciousness.

I am realizing that there is no right or wrong way. There just, "is". And it is in this state that I can emphasize with the phrase from the old hymn, "All is Well with my Soul", with the exception that there is no soul. All is well with my Self, for it is finally allowed to simply be its Self. It's simply allowed to be, simply be, unfiltered. The thick and grimy film covering the mirror within is scraped clean and what is left is pure awareness.  And I realize that that is my true nature.

What a relief it is to simply witness life, this vast and infinite web of existence filled with shifting illusions that dance and flirt with one another. Taking center stage they playfully dart behind folds in a curtain that continually opens and closes much to the audience's delight and dismay, entirely dismissive of their cheers and sighs. It all makes me want to laugh. Laugh at how simple and obvious it all is and yet how complicated and artificial we tend to make it and how seriously we consider our  interpretations of it. We take them so seriously that we wage wars and impose death on others to hold fast to the illusions we choose to cling to. We hate others for selecting different illusions because it threatens our own sense of security because deep down we know that it is all bunk but we so desperately seek something permanent to give us hope and security.  That fact doesn't make me laugh though. The fact that our near obsession with our egos and investment in our own self-made delusions leads to so much misery and suffering. That makes me want to mourn and fiercely shake the slumbering world awake.

When listening to a beautiful song, or playing an instrument, you don't over-analyze what you are doing at that moment. You merely feel and allow your creativity to flow in that moment. In that moment you just are. Creating. In every moment, consciousness just is, creating. Filtering itself through the lenses of our varied egos and having fun with it. I'm beginning to realize that there is no point in over analyzing our deepest questions in order to extract the answers. That is just mere mental speculation based on our own presuppositions of the truth. That is our ego playing around with different variables, projecting interesting patterns into our awareness that might or might not have any relevance to the answers of our deepest inquiries. I'm starting to realize that the answer is simply found in allowing oneself to embrace fully each and every moment. It is then that we begin to, "know" the answers-not through means of the intellect but through experience. Not through words, but through revelation.

Words limit the expression of spiritual truths. That's why so many, from Alan Watts to Thomas Merton and countless of others, merely had fun with words and never took them too seriously. Words are symbols for concepts that define realities based on other people's or group's interpretations of reality and therefore are highly subjective.

I abhor hunting. I believe taking any life does injustice to the sacred nature of life itself. One illustration, however, that comes to mind right now is a hunter perched high above the forest floor atop a tree stand. He sits still, hears the sounds of nature reverberating through wood and brush, waiting patiently for his prey to come into view. Deer are smart and perceptive. Their senses and intuition finely tuned for survival. There is no point in noisily bumbling about blazing a trail through the wilderness in search of one. Try that and the closest deer will be miles off and you will never even see a glimpse of its sleek brown coat. There is no path that will lead you to one and there is no point in making your own path. All you need to do is sit and wait and the object you so desire will eventually appear.

I am discovering this is true with spiritual truths and knowing. It is our first instinct to go off in hungry pursuit for the answers we so desperately seek.  To locate and bring down the truth as if taking down a wild stag, pouncing upon it and savagely feasting upon the flesh of knowledge, sucking the marrow clean from revelation's bones. The seeker becomes wild in his pursuit for truth. But I am finding there is a much more dignified and effective way of coming about it rather than feverishly pursuing it like a rabid animal frothing at the mouth. Like the hunter in the tree stand, we merely need to tuck ourselves up in the tree of contemplation and wait. Patiently. Being ever mindful and allowing the truth to come and rise above the horizon and, in its light and almost painful in its brilliance, flood us with knowing.

When waiting, if we empty ourselves of expectations, a miraculous happening begins to occur. Thoughts, emotions and feelings arise and we realize we can objectively witness these elements that we once perceived as being "us". Because we can witness them, we are not them. Our reality cannot be bound and indeed transcends these superficial and illusory variables that define our ego. We are emptiness and emptiness is full.  Bursting with potential and energy-to create, to love, to heal, to transform. Our bodies and our egos are merely instruments in which the universe is playing itself out. Reinforced within me at this time is the very notion that we all, truly are, One.

In this context the ego need not be rejected as if it were something ugly and something needing to be discarded. As long as it is seen for what it truly is it can be appreciated. It is what gives our existence texture, flavor and color but should never be taken too seriously. The trick, I believe, is to have fun with the ego, but to not allow it to "stick" to our interior which reflects our true nature. To not buy into  and become attached to the illusion that it defines us. To let it work for us and not against us. Spiritual disciplines can be instrumental at this point in helping us maintain this  perspective.  As already mentioned, I have come to accept that whatever discipline we take on, at any given moment, should not be done because we feel we have a duty or obligation towards it but instead should merely be done because it is the best instrument at that given moment in time to be used to redirect our internal compasses back towards pointing itself to our true Self. 


I could write more but will end this post for now for it is already longer than most people would probably prefer a blog post to be. Greatly appreciated are your thoughts in the comments section. Thank you!













34 comments:

  1. Bewitching words and profound observations! You have already pounced upon realization. From here, there is only the continued deepening.

    Namaste, dear One. ^/|\^

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    1. Thank you so much George for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. Things are definitely becoming clearer...Entering the depths of experience more fully is yet to come...I'm looking forward to learning and experiencing more...:)
      ~ namaste~

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  2. What a beautiful post. I am currently taking a 21-day meditation challenge with the theme being abundance and we are learning some of the things you spoke about in your post. I think the hardest thing for a human to do is to just be, but when we achieve it, we can become the greatest form of who we are meant to be.

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    1. "I think the hardest thing for a human to do is to just be, but when we achieve it, we can become the greatest form of who we are meant to be."

      I think that is so true! Thank you Tameka for your reflections. I wish you the best of luck on your challenge...May it bear much fruit for your spiritually! :)

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  3. Beautiful is the word that comes to my mind after reading this!

    I seriously was pondering over many things off late and I stumbled upon this - such profound thoughts to ponder upon!

    Loved it...waiting for more of it!

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    1. So glad it resonated with you and you enjoyed it! Thank you for leaving your thoughts. :)

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  4. Hi Jessica:
    Reading this passage:
    What a relief it is to simply witness life, this vast and infinite web of existence filled with shifting illusions that dance and flirt with one another. reminds me of a time many years ago when I was still living at home w/my family. I was probably 16 17, something like that. My mom had come to the backyard with my brother who was probably about five. I was watching a spider spin it web across the swing set. I still vividly recall my mom asking what I was doing. I told her about the spider and pointed it out.

    I don't remember if she was having a particularly bad day but she looked at me and said:
    When are you going to grow up?

    Grow up? I thought. This is who I am. I can't change who I am. I've always been one to ruminate on esoteric topics. I've always meditated. How can I grow up if this is who I am? See? I love my mom but we are polar opposites. She is the cup is half empty. She is non spiritual. I took a different path, a more enlightened path.

    I've had friends tell me I must have been raised right. I'm polite. I always look out for the other person etc. I don't know about that because I'm the polar opposite of both my parents. You know that nature v nurture topic that gets booted around? In my case I'm not sure what to make of that. I'd have to say I fall on the nature side.

    Anyway sort of got off topic here.

    Like this line too:
    The realization came to me that to simply be is all that one needs to do in order to realize the mysteries of life.

    That's the entire essence of meditation as I know it to be, Jessica. I really don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to meditate. It's all what makes you comfortable. You should practice what gets you to the state of bliss. Whatever that may be. I understand I've mention here before bit it's just like God. However you reach him is the point. There is no wrong way. The religions of the world tell you the right path to be on.

    There is no right path.
    There is no wrong path.

    The path that works for you is the right path for you.

    Love this post, Jessica. One of my favorites.
    --
    Chris

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    1. So glad you enjoyed this post Chris! Btw..I still enjoy watching spiders spin webs. You were definitely born with a contemplative nature, and I think that is a blessing to see the world from an introspective perspective...Though not always easy because some people, like our mothers (mine too!) have a hard time relating.

      And I agree, as I stated in the post..there's not a right or wrong way to meditate..Whichever form draws the individual closer to realization is the right way for that person. For me I like to chant the mahamantra and practice passage meditation and vipassana.

      Thanks again!

      ~ many blessings~

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  5. Jessica, I am amazed, as always, by your ability to communicate in such simple, down-to-earth ways, the path to spirituality which our egos wish to make complex and unwieldy. I am reminded of the Shaker hymn: "'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free, 'tis the gift to come down where we ought to be . . ."
    To not strive with expectations, to just let go and let God work within us, to learn to laugh, as you have, at the carnival which wants to paint our souls with doubts and doctrines - that's the answer to every question we could ever have. It is how we find peace that passes all understanding, and it should be the longing of every human heart.
    Your post blessed me today, dear one. You are an inspiration and wise far beyond your years.
    May God continue to bless and keep you!

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    1. Martha...I loved that Shaker Hymn you shared..thank you! I always enjoy hearing your reflections, thanks for stopping by and leaving some. :)
      ~ blessings~

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  6. Jessica,
    In my book, FINDING YOUR FIRE, I talk about how taking "5" and just "being" helped me feel so much more in touch with everything and everyone around me. In a way, I think you are suggesting much the same but on a deeper level.
    Often the world is screaming for our attention leaving little opportunity for our thoughts to hear what is really being said. Enjoyed the post.

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    1. Kathy, I'd love to check out your book...I'm already intrigued...I'd love to review it!

      "Often the world is screaming for our attention leaving little opportunity for our thoughts to hear what is really being said."

      I definitely agree.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  7. I said once that I didn't want to be a seeker, I want to be a finder. I don't want to always be in pursuit. I want to rest in now. Much wisdom in your post here. Thank you.

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    1. Galen, so glad you could relate to this post. I think all we need to know is within us, for sure we just have to be patient and allow it the space to reveal itself. :)
      ~ blessings~

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  8. Reading this I thought about that phrase of resting in the spirit. It's a wonderful feeling of knowing that all is well with the world and that a Higher Power is in control: all you have to do is Be.
    Another thought provoking post, Jessica, as yours always are.

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    1. Thank you Corinne for sharing your reflections. I'm glad you enjoyed the post!
      ~blessings~

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  9. I have read your articles with curiosity and have seen how you have travelled from searching different philosophies and practices. At one instance, one was hearing how you were chanting Krishna mantras and now we are witnessing something else.
    So, according to your new level of spiritual evolution, we are to be? We're to sit still and allow truth to come to us? How and when will that happen? Do we actually have time to let it happen?
    All paths, even Taoism, dictate that we practice something, there's a philosophical approach, but what you are proposing is sheer laziness- just be, be what exactly?
    You claim to be a seeker, now you have stopped seeking and claim that IT, whatever it is has or will find you?
    So, we are to accept that children then, do not need to go to school, that we no longer need to work, that we need not approach god or a teacher, that all things now come to us?
    This is why Elkhart tolle is so popular, he says do nothing, just sit still and be. It's ok for him as he makes money by teaching this non practice, but, those that follow this, what result will they get apart from some egoic satisfaction that they are being so called spiritual?

    I think you are BEING RIDICULOUS, and that you, whomever you may BE, need to BE honest with yourself and your readers, that you are not able to BE anything.

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  10. I forgot to add, because you claim that we must BE to realise the mysteries of life, please share with us what mysteries have been revealed to you by your new practice? Would love to hear them! And if mysteries are revealed, please also tell us exactly by WHOM they are being revealed by?

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  11. It's an active type of stillness...That probably doesn't make sense to you, or maybe it will, but perhaps in my next post I will try to clarify it. It most likely can't really be understood by those who haven't experienced it. I know, because it once didn't make sense to me either until the moment came when it entered personally into my own experiences.

    As I mentioned in my post, words are highly subjective and what I might mean might come across differently to you as we all have different reference points to draw from based on our varying perspectives and experiences and the culture and climate we come from. And what I am talking about here are very abstract concepts and what I believe truths. And I am totally fine with people disagreeing with them.

    I appreciate your thoughts and the criticisms you raise. I, by the way, continue to chant as well as practice varying forms of meditation although not as regularly, on set time schedules, as I used to. Not because I feel a desperate sense of urgency to seek, but because I enjoy these spiritual disciplines and they help me achieve that restful yet active state of stillness in which my consciousness opens itself up to what is. I still occasionally get a sense of urgency, but it is in those revelatory moments when I realize that there is no need..all is well, all is here that is. All is good. ;)

    I might seem inconsistent in my thoughts and my approaches because I am still exploring. You are reading from someone who does not come from a perspective that is stagnant and considers her way set in stone. I believe the truth is fluid, so we must be flexible in our understanding, being prepared to adapt our concepts of the truths to reality when it begins to unfold itself to us.


    ~ namaste~

    P.S. You could always just use your real name next time. ;)

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  12. While I was writing my response you wrote again:

    "I forgot to add, because you claim that we must BE to realise the mysteries of life, please share with us what mysteries have been revealed to you by your new practice? Would love to hear them! And if mysteries are revealed, please also tell us exactly by WHOM they are being revealed by?"


    What other way can one ascertain the answers, or get realizations into the mysteries of life if not from a starting point of clarity, free from the illusions of the ego? Free from presuppositions?

    "by WHOM they are being revealed by?"

    It's not really a "by Whom", it's more a process of having one's shade being drawn and allowing the light to come in.

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  13. Madam, I have read your article and your comments in response to mine. I see many contradictions that I don't have time to comment on. I say you are speculating and wallowing in some kind of delusion of realisation. You are posing as a teacher but yet have not learnt from one. You admitted you don't have the discipline to follow a regular schedule.
    According to you, truth is fluid, thus you cannot grasp it. So why try? And if this be the case, you have not had truth revealed to you yet.
    It is advisable to learn from a teacher and follow a regulated schedule for some time n order to achieve a foundation of practice and understanding. Thus please find a guide who you can follow.

    I am sorry, but I don't know what you mean about "using my real name next time"

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  14. "You are posing as a teacher"

    I have never claimed to be anything of the sort and anybody that regularly reads my blog would definitely know that.

    "According to you, truth is fluid, thus you cannot grasp it. So why try?"

    Spiritual disciplines help clear the space..but exactly, why "try"? There comes a time when we need to just be still, and that allows us to "know".

    I appreciate your comments and your criticisms but feel that you are reading what I have written on a superficial level. Perhaps I am at fault for not expressing myself more clearly. I don't expect everyone to always agree with what I write and you are surely entitled to your opinions.

    Many blessings to you and yours.

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  15. Jessica, I appreciate the time, thought and sincere self-searching you have offered here. There are many who will insist that maintaining a specific, focused approach towards spiritual practice is necessary. A must. I don't dispute that that works for many. It doesn't work for me. I am similar in nature to you, in that I tend to be in that "active stillness" as my most regular approach, if that makes sense. I listen to myself, check in regularly, and I move forward in response. Each moment might require a different response, and I am always learning and adapting in the process. I do find that meditation brings clarity to my life, but that process isn't always one of sitting quietly. I practice meditation in many ways.

    Great post, sweetheart, as always! :)

    - Dawn

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    1. Thank you Dawn so much for sharing how you approach your spiritual life. I definitely think for some one path might be appropriate, while others, like perhaps me and you, a more organic approach might be best. It all is so very individual and varied.

      Thanks for the encouragement. :)

      ~ namaste~

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  16. Jessica, for what it's worth, I think you come across not as a self-claimed teacher but as a seeker of truth and wisdom who is sharing her journey with us as it unfolds and doing a beautiful job of it.

    I'm no expert in spirituality, but it has long seemed to me that there's an inherent tension or paradox in genuine spirituality between seeking actualization and transcendence--i.e., "enlightenment--on the one hand and realizing, on the other, that one is already "there" so that one doesn't push enlightenment away by seeking it in the manner of, as Alan Watts used to say, "beating a drum in search of a fugitive." Ken Wilber has addressed this paradox, including in the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E8CAWawn2g&playnext=1&list=PL21F4FCDEB5FE1457&feature=results_video

    It seems to me that you've recently come to a realization that focuses on one side or pole of this tension--i.e., the fact that everything is, in a sense, perfect just as it is and we are all "enlightened" just as we are--while, at least temporarily, relegating to the background the understanding that most of us need to travel a path of disciplined effort to KNOW that everything is perfect and that we're already enlightened. ;-)

    However, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we find you posting more later on about your own disciplined path and eventually and cogently explaining the paradox at which I've only hinted, because you will have reached a level of understanding that most of us haven't and maybe never will.

    In the meantime, keep on keeping on with your posts and your journey.

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    1. Hi Steve,

      "for what it's worth, I think you come across not as a self-claimed teacher but as a seeker of truth and wisdom who is sharing her journey with us as it unfolds and doing a beautiful job of it."

      Thank you. :) It is certainly my hope that nobody ever sees me as a teacher! I am very much a beginner and will probably always be one. And that's perfectly fine with me.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you for that video clip of Wilber speaking about Enlightenment. It really resonates with my own experience and understanding and makes a lot of sense.

      "However, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we find you posting more later on about your own disciplined path"

      I'm sure it won't be too long before I do that! :)
      And to be able to explain the paradox coherently, I would love someday to be able to have the clarity and ability to do that. I think Wilber does a great job in that video in addressing it. Thanks again so again for posting that link.

      ~ namaste~

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  17. Wonderfully written Jessica.
    "All you need to do is sit and wait and the object you so desire will eventually appear."
    Thank you - these are words I so needed to hear today.
    Namaste.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the post Suzy. Thank you so much for stopping by. :) ~ namaste~

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  18. oh, this wonderful post again led to a war-like debate!
    -Portia Burton

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Portia! I guess when anything like spirituality or religion is discussed there's always the potential for that.

      ~ many blessings~

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  19. this is a nice post! actually i search for such blogposts which are so thoughtful! Thank you,
    PoetDesh

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    1. So glad you enjoyed this poetdesh! Hope you come back for future posts...I'd love to hear your thoughts on them!

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  20. Such beautiful writing and beautiful thoughts. We should all experience the peace of being true to ourselves.

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  21. It seems like this is the most appropriate 'conclusion' to everything I have read in your page this Christmas season. I love what you wrote about abandonment and needless to say, it must be 'fearless' and 'full of trust'... just letting everything 'flow' at its own pace. And now that you'll be having a more quiet time outside the online world, it's wonderful to put everything into practice...

    Love you sis... and be blessed in every way :*

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