Welcome: An Introduction

Sharing the insights I discover as I explore and experience the mystery that is our reality. Join me in my journey and share yours.




Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Teaching Children the Gift of Not Knowing


The world manifests itself in majestic displays of colors and complex patterns. Creatures that compete with scenes found in the depths of our wildest imaginations already known and yet to be discovered creep, slither and swim through the realms of earth and sky. 

Even the most simplest of displays, a leaf in a child's outstretched hand, holds within it amazing wonders in terms of what lies deep within on a microcosmic molecular level.

Reality itself is a complex web of factors constantly interacting with one another and it is a marvel to behold. Oftentimes, our children can come to us with questions in regards to how things work and why things are the way they are. As parents, we wish to give them the answers they seek.  Sometimes it's difficult as a parent to concede to not knowing the answers to our children's most pressing questions. We feel as if we should. Many of us, instead of admitting to not knowing the answer, will make up overly simplistic responses in order to momentarily assuage their curiosities and redirect them towards other pursuits that don't challenge our sense of comfort. This approach, however, does not give them the actual answers and hinders the cultivation of critical thinking which our world so desperately needs its inhabitants to develop in order to solve the many problems it faces.



As I've wrestled with my own questions lately I have realized that admitting to myself that I don't know the answer to something does not produce within me the sense of self-defeat but rather it elicits a sense of liberation and hope that further intensifies my curiosity and intrigue. It also magnifies my appreciation of the infinite mysteries reality has to offer us. 

There's a sense of freedom in not knowing all the answers to life's questions. Freedom because by admitting we don't know something we are refusing to be bound by artificial answers which create the false illusion of knowing that keeps us confined within our own self-made prisons of ignorance.  By admitting that we don't know an answer we create the space in which we are given the freedom to earnestly seek for it and the hope of actually one day finding it.

My children, like most, are full of questions and one of our favorite activities lately is to have them nestle beside me in bed, laptop before us. I beckon them to ask anything that they have been wondering about and assure them that we will try to find out the answers together.  We've had lots of fun together and this pursuit has proven to be one of mutual discovery for all involved. Even when I do know the answers to questions posed, by looking deeper into the subjects at hand with them I have found my own understanding of such subjects broadening. 



I have been teaching my children that there are things that are simply not discovered yet, answers that aren't known, and that that is okay and actually a very exciting thing. If we knew everything there was to life there would be no mysteries. And there is truly a joy in discovering the mysteries of life. Not knowing is a gift because it opens the doorway to discovery.


I think it's important to admit to our children that there are things we don't know because this reinforces the fact that learning is a lifelong process. We are always students and our classroom is reality itself. 

Annika Harris is working on a new book that covers this very subject-of not knowing. I absolutely love the premise for this book and invite all of you to watch this short video describing it. Her publication,  I Wonder, will hopefully come out sometime soon. This is one book I plan on buying and reading with my children.


31 comments:

  1. Jessica, this is an amazing post!
    I can remember telling my own children that I didn't have the answers to some of the questions they would ask. And, it is a freeing experience! We certainly do not have everything figured out by a long shot and, with you, I believe that the mysteries of life create awe and wonder within us, and encourage us to never stop growing and learning.
    Blessings to you!

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    1. Martha...

      I agree, to admit we don't know all of the answers is a freeing experience! Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. :)

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  2. Dear Jessica,

    Thank you for the gift of this important post -- you blew my mind with this one!

    I applaud the concept of promoting 'living in the question' and the description of the specific activities you've been engaging in with your kids to encourage that ideal -- Bravo!

    I'm also VERY EXCITED about the book, I Wonder! Thank you for introducing me to Annika Harris' lovely and loving project!

    thank you for allowing me to share this at:
    https://www.facebook.com/DangerousLinda

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this post Linda on fb and for your generous comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I will let you know when the book comes out...I'll probably post a review here as well!

      ~ blessings

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  3. I’m going to buy that book the minute it is published and read it with my Sarah, Sam, and Seth (my little grandkiddies). Since they’ve been on earth I’ve enjoyed nothing more than curling up in my bed and reading them stories. It’s our thing. Now, even my 17-year-old Abi and I read together in bed - we’re reading The Hobbit now.

    Never lose the childlike wonder. It’s just too important.
    It’s what drives us. Help others. ~ Randy Pausch

    In my writng I’m trying to help others understand how to maintain their sense of wonder. Rachel Carson said, “If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.”

    But I think Mark Twain said it best. "We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we have gained by prying into that matter.”

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    1. Wow Debra, thank you so much for those wonderful quotes! I always love what you share here in your comments. I will let you know as soon as the book comes out! Your grandchildren are so blessed to have you to inspire them to continue on with holding the things of this world in wonder and awe, as they should be. For miracles abound, everywhere.

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  4. How awesome this is..I have recently been having to deal with a lot of "I don't know", answers with the kids. On quite a different level I'd say, but still the same. I don't know what the future holds and that is okay too! No one does. I loved this post, very helpful.

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    1. Jan, I wish you the best of luck in answering your little one's questions...I'm sure they aren't very easy, given your specific circumstances. Glad you enjoyed this post...And I agree, we never know what the future holds. That's one of the reasons why I feel so glad I have discovered the practice of mindfulness. For within each moment there is meaning and a depth of experience that brings light and energy and wonder into life that is just not known when we are dwelling on the past or trying to forecast the future. It's okay to not know what the future holds for sure. I think all that we can ever do is just take every moment as it comes.
      ~ blessings

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  5. Jessica I loved this post. Being a mom I have also been often stuck not knowing the answers to some of my son's questions. And you are right it feels so liberating to tell him that I do not have all the answers. It also teaches us to be humble and acknowledging the fact that we do not know everything. You are a wonderful mom to be doing this with your kids and discovering answers to questions with them. Life with all the answers wouldnt be a mystery at all, but a very mundane world. Simply loved it.

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    1. Great point Rimly, that admitting not knowing helps foster a sense of humility...and that is definitely something that helps one progress in one's spiritual practices as well as cultivate the capacity to receive more insights.
      Thanks for stopping by. Glad you could relate. :)

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    1. I love what you just wrote here. You are a seeker and for that I admire you. Your eyes, mind and heart are wide open EAGER to receive and question all that is out there...And I could see that you are also practicing the same thing to your children ~ this great "allowance" to learning. Creating 'space' is a magic word I wish and pray everybody would learn...

      Not knowing is also bowing down to Something ~ Someone greater than ourselves. It is always a continuation of your practice of detachment and humility.

      Lots of love to you sis :*

      P.S. This is me...I was using my brother's account for work and I forgot :P

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    2. Thank you Melissa :) Yes, not knowing can be interpreted to bowing down to the Mystery that is..whether that is perceived as God to some or the intimate web that interconnects all of life that defines our reality. Regardless, to perceive and have a greater understanding of it, space is definitely necessary...

      Lots of love and light to you always sis...<3

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  7. I loved this post :)

    And this is exactly what I would want to tell to my children in future when I have them. Its ok to not know a few things, its ok to fall, its ok to fail, its ok to ask and its ok to be hurt...as all this is a part of the growing up process...!!

    Beautifully expressed!

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    1. You are going to be a wonderful mother! Hope you decide to get Annika's book when you start having children...I think it is one that should be on ever bookshelf..to inspire wonder in us all. :)
      Thank you for stopping by.

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    2. Thank you so much Jessica...this is the most beautiful comment I could have ever wanted as that is the only thing I want to be ever - A wonderful mother!! :)

      Will remember this book for sure!

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  8. Powerful. Often as a parent we're left in the moment with a blank mind, uncertain how to answer, be everything, and know everything we need to know. I am candid with my own children. I'm human, sometimes I just don't know, and we are left to explore together.

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    1. I think it's a great thing that you are candid and honest with your children. In my opinion, it does not service to them to be otherwise. And it truly is a gift to both involved to explore a subject together. This also helps them later on learn how to explore on their own...Providing these tools which foster lifelong learning are so important.
      Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  9. "there is truly a joy in discovering the mysteries of life", is a beautiful phrase. To admit not knowing something is the most honest and responsible act which the children will respect and emulate.Lerning never ends and neither does the joy of discovering new things. Loved your post.

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    1. So true Sulekkha! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
      ~ many blessings

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  10. I immediately thought of two books--"Comfortable with Uncertainty," by Pema Chodron, and "The Cloud of Unknowing," by an unknown monk. This is a great post and something we all need to embrace. I read that we are less afraid of physical pain than we are of not knowing! Now that's something to think about!

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    1. I've heard about The Cloud of Unknowing but haven't gotten the chance to read it yet...Pema Chodron is great!I read her book "Taking the Leap" and got a lot out of it as well as have heard some of her talks on YouTube.
      Wow..the fact that we are less afraid of physical pain than we are of not knowing is certainly something to reflect on! I think "not knowing" certain things has the potential to create a sense of insecurity...especially when it has to do with our mortality. So, oftentimes, as a defense we will cling to easy answers in order to give us a sense of comfort. But really, the only way to liberate ourselves from such insecurity is to let go of what we are clinging to.
      Thanks for stopping by Galen. :)

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  11. A wonderful post, to say the least! Adding anything more as 'comment' would be to repeat your words!!
    -Portia Burton

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Portia! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. :)
      Lots of love.

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  12. Your work here is always inspiring. You may accept this or not, I am nominating you among others to the "Very Inspiring Blogger Award." Check out details at http://wp.me/p2F4mh-eq. God bless. :)

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    1. Thank you so much eyeof1001, I will head over to the link soon. It really encourages me to know that you think my posts are inspiring. Thank you so much! :)

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  13. Shifting perspective is such a powerful tool! Years ago, I remember getting frustrated with the inner script I had carried for much of my life. That script came from being raised by a single mother who, herself, had been raised in poverty during the Great Depression. As a result, she was always tentative, always reticent, always unwilling to expect great things, and almost every response to requests from my siblings and I was met with, "We can't because...." and the rest of the sentence would be tied to lack of money. I internalized the "We/I can't because..." part of the dialog and made it my own reality until I became more self-aware.

    I consciously began to shift my verbiage and my silent self-talk. In particular, one of the gifts I gave myself at that time of awakening was to no longer say, "I can't....", but to say, instead, "I've never tried that before". The minute shift of words and thoughts took it from a built in Fail, to an empowering moment. I've never forgotten that and I continue to make conscious choices about how I word things, both aloud, and in silent self-talk. It changes the whole fabric that I weave for my Life Stream.

    Namaste',

    - Dawn

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    1. My point, btw, is that I shifted my thoughts from a very empty "certainty" to one of not knowing, admitting not knowing, but feeling a new freedom in the very unknowing. The world opened up beautifully because of the conscious shift of thoughts.

      - Dawn

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    2. Thank you so much Dawn for sharing! I do think it is critical and beneficial to be mindful of the words we say, both to others and also to ourselves. To be mindful of our thoughts and words allows us, as you bring up, to consciously choose them and that gives one a great sense of empowerment!

      I agree, "admitting not knowing" definitely produces a sense of freedom. I remember the first time I admitted to myself that I didn't know what the truth necessarily was, but that I definitely had the desire to realize it. But, as of then, and mostly now too, I don't know. And coming to the conclusion that it was okay not to know. When I came to that conclusion it was a very freeing moment. :)

      Thanks again for sharing.

      ~ blessings~

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  14. The more we know, the more we realize that there are so many mysteries we don't know about. This is such a relevant post, Jessica and it's important that parents realize that it is okay to say, "I don't know." May we all never lose our sense of wonder.
    I look forward to reading the book - thanks for sharing.

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    1. You're welcome Corinne..and thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I definitely hope we call can cultivate our sense of wonder, at even the seemingly small things in life, realizing that, they too, are miraculous in their own ways. There is so much to be at awe about! This is a lesson if we've forgotten it that we can learn again through our children. :)

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