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Sharing the insights I discover as I explore and experience the mystery that is our reality. Join me in my journey and share yours.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Temporary Lamentations of a Mother: A Poem

                                            Picture taken recently on a solo hike through  a state park near our home.

The Temporary Lamentations of a Mother

Where are you Peace? Like a mirage
Her form shimmers and taunts,
Dancing alluringly in the distant horizon;
Calling, beckoning, only to dissipate into
Darkness when I come close. Impossible
To grasp, too elusive to seize.

Thoughts go back to this morning,
Perched attentively in a half lotus
Position. Listening to the harmony of
My home slowly enter into my awareness
I became one with my breath, rising and falling
rising and falling, to its own uneven cadence.
Sounds of birds in the distance outside my windows,
their songs accompanying the rising sun
spreading her glorious garment
open wide before a new day,
the hum of our refrigerator, the muffled sounds of my
Husband snoring; all participants of
The disjointed orchestra of life playing
Its rhythms out all around me.
My breath having its own small role as
I bear witness to it all; my soul taking
A momentary break and simply resting
In the moment.

Hours later I find my bedroom door locked.
Mommy just gave herself a time out.
Two little criminals, bliss-snatchers,
that once gestated in my womb
are now placated after a bout
of intense bickering and whining.
Tears dried following stern admonishing
they now joyfully watch a movie together,
snuggled close beneath a cozy blanket.

I try to breathe deep again, finding grounding
in the present, finding a foundation of peace
from which my words and actions can compassionately
extend themselves from as the day continues.
I am no fool. I know full well that the crashing waves
of ambivalence and resistance will once again rise up and fall
Down mercilessly on the shores of my experience.
This temporary break in chaos is temporary indeed,
So dictates the law of Impermanence.

But there is no foundation, that’s all an illusion.
There is just a watery flow of intentions pirouetting
with various inputs and outputs, some dark, some light,
shifting and pulsing. Life’s river beckoning me in to either
Drown or heal me who knows.
I laugh at the absurdity of it all. Life, a kaleidoscope
of pain, loss, sorrow, ecstasy, peace and joy. And plunge
myself into her dark and swirling waters.

I know soon I will exit my room, already feeling
A bit more whole again after vomiting up my
reflections In prose. My soul putting on her dancing
shoes, for she now realizes she chooses to dance
amidst Joy’s gay tune, after all, why not?
Leaving sorrow in broken shards at her feet,
unlocking the bedroom door only after unlocking
the light hidden within her deep recesses,
I will welcome my offspring once again into my arms;
realizing  that we don’t need to seek light,
We have it within ourselves all along and
we can conceive and bring it forth on our own.


  1. Another good poem. Well done!

    First off, I really love the photograph! It is a beautiful picture. The solitary trail slowly fading with time. The lonely fog in the distance. And the twisting trees. I really like it.

    As for the poem, I enjoyed it too. I wasn't sure what to expect from reading the title, but once I finished the piece, it all came together. Nice work.
    My favorite part of the poem is the fourth stanza. "I know full well that the crashing waves / of ambivalence and resistance will once again rise up and fall / Down mercilessly on the shores of my experience." These lines really speak.

    Thank you for sharing!

  2. With this exquisite poem, Jessica, you brought back so many memories, good and bad, of raising my two children. Like you, I often wondered where I could go to find peace when I was surrounded by noise and chaos, especially when other children came over to play. But, I learned that real peace is within us, and we can have that peace any time, even in the craziest of moments.
    Thank you for this beautiful reflection, my dear. I really hope you will save all your poems and publish a collection one day!
    Love and blessings!