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Sharing the insights I discover as I explore and experience the mystery that is our reality. Join me in my journey and share yours.




Friday, May 27, 2011

Grief's Gallows

As I neared the end of my walk tonight, taking my usual route  through the cemetery, I couldn't help but be touched by the sight of a woman stooped over her husband's grave. She was meticulously clearing the overgrowth away from his headstone and its surroundings.  Bright red flowers in trays beside her waited to be planted. I thought of their vibrant colors and how they sang out beauty and life to all whose eyes might fall upon their tender crimson-hued petals, leaves a soft emerald. What a juxtaposition to the death that lay a short distance beneath them, buried in fertile soil; bones being gnawed on by time's relentless hunger. Time consumes everything in the end. The only thing left, spirit.

I felt sorrow for her. She looked so sad. My first instinct was to embrace her, but I didn't want to offend her! I noticed on his grave that he passed away in March of 2008, the same month and year our son was born. Our time of joy, her time of grief...there's a time for every season I suppose. That truth doesn't make it any easier when life's waves take away your castles though. The strongholds in our lives that we cling to sometimes even more than He Who gives all life. God is the only permanent reality. Everything else is shifting sands of  impermanence.

When pain is raw and heart empty, never before is the time more fertile for God to fill it. I prayed God's peace over her as I walked by. I'm not sure she'll ever really know that. Nor does it really matter. What matters is that her soul feels full of His Spirit. For that I pray. That healing will flood her soul that is tethered to grief, releasing her from pain and into the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Have I known grief? Yes. I think we all have. There comes a time when we have to let it go though, or let ourselves go in a way, forming our identity around our attachments, around our pain, instead of being liberated from them and finding our identity in Christ. 

Our savior was hung up on the cross, died a horrible death, and nailed right up there with him was our sorrows, our sins, our grief, our pain. It doesn't mean we won't ever experience those things, but it does mean that we can be liberated from them, not being enslaved to them. Being free in Christ and free from the bondage of pain and sin that bind us from having a fulfilled life of joy.

It's not always easy, but I know I (and hopefully you too)  want to put my grief to the gallows.  I want to trust in the only man that was able to rise again after being taken to the cross. The man who wasn't only a man, but a savior. Who taught us love and compassion and the path to our Father's heart and home. I want to see life's abundant blessings all around, the manifestation of His glory and grace, and know that all is truly  well.  Knowing that, though our savior was resurrected from his death on the cross, our grief can truly be shattered on the gallows if we open our hearts in the vulnerable trust that is necessary, opening our hearts to His will, which is to do good in our lives, to help us prosper and not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11)






Are you ready to put your grief to the gallows? Your pain? That which keeps you from peace?


These are just my reflections on the topic of grief as they came up during my walk tonight. It's obviously a much deeper and complicated topic that could fill books and books. It's an issue that should be, in my opinion, approached with sensitivity and love. But these are my thoughts on it tonight.  What are yours?

26 comments:

  1. We have to learn to look at life outside of our situations sometimes. It is easy to fall into wallow and to complain when things aren't going our way. Instead of letting whatever is going on in your life get the best of you take time out from your life..To a degree, in our lives as each moment passes and different circumstances come to past, we have to realize that after they happen, there is no way to change them. We must take life for what it is, a series of unpredictable events ultimately out of our control. Sure there are ways to prepare for life, and understandably doing things such as setting goals and making a game plan for your life will take you to new heights, even to places you would of never imagined being. But life is too, very unpredictable...and I have learnt it the hard way..death has taught me to appreciate all around me.Excellent post,Jessica,love u.

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  2. Really glad I found your blog! God Bless You xx

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  3. Memories are a double edged sword. Both happiness and sadness emanate form your minds reflections. It is hard to not grieve for those you truly loved. It is natural and should be embraced .

    Cheers A

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  4. Jessica - What a beautifully written and sensitive post. But then we expect it from you. At the risk of sounding hard-hearted, I think at times we all love our grief more than we love the chance to be free of it. We hold on to our pain, not willing to let go and be free...because it sometimes becomes a habit with us. There is pain but there is strength for every pain...There is grief, but there is solace to be find....And most of all we are not alone. We need to plug in to the Source of all Healing and connect with others and put our grief to the gallows!
    PS: Jer 29: 11 is my verse for life :)

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  5. Alpana...wow...I was really impressed by your reflections. They are filled with truth and wisdom. I agree.."death has taught me to appreciate all around me". SO true...we often learn the importance of things and to appreciate them by their contrasts. We appreciate life more because we know of the finality and seemingly ugliness of death. We appreciate the warm spring sun that much more after a long, cold bitter winter. The light is more glorious when we've known darkness. "We have to look at life outside of our situations"..so true..I've learned having as large of a perspective as I can helps bring me peace and a more positive attitude. And wallowing in our pain never is productive.
    Thank you! :) ~blessings and love

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  6. Julie...I am so glad you did too! Please join us in the future for more conversations :) I love meeting new people here. ~blessings

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  7. Thank you A...I do agree...pain is justified as is grief. And it's healthy. There is always that time of mourning when pain is at its most raw point and the soul mourns for its loss. In those times, it's important, I've found, to not restrain our tears and just let them fall. It's after that time, (and the period which one experiences this most intense grief is different for everyone and shouldn't be judged), that it's time for healing. For peace, for joy. When we hold on to our pain and let it gnaw at our happiness, I believe it blocks us from acheiving our full potential and experiencing the fullness of joy life offers.
    Thank you for your thoughts A...I always appreciate them :) ~blessings

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  8. Corinne...what a beautiful life verse you have! :) I have to confess, I don't have one yet...but am looking... :) What you said made so much sense and I don't think it is hard hearted...but a truth that can be intimidating to voice for fear of it sounding that way. You have such courage :) There is a time, when death just happens, where grief is unavoidable but there also comes a time when it is a choice. We have to ask ourselves, do we choose joy? Do we choose grief or anger or bitterness? I don't know about everyone else, but I choose joy!!! I have harbored sorrow in my heart for those I've lost, tormented by their memories for far too long in the past, it's just not worth it. Christ set me free, and for that I am sooo thankful.
    Thank you for stopping by :) ~blessings

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  9. Blogger is giving some readers some problems, one of my readers Charlie tried to post a comment but was unable..this is what he had to share:

    Hey Jessica - I don't know how a person can be human and not experience grief. Being the 2nd youngest of 7 children, an...d 8 step-siblings older also, I was born in to an aging family. I watched both my parents die at home in bed. Dad in 1986 and mom in 2005. I've witnessed much much more death in my life that I won't mention here. Grief is troubling and is also self-pity. I held that self-pity for many years after my father died from cancer. Luckily, I knew what to do with it and how to mend, and was not grief-stricken when my mother passed. A person cannot relieve their grief alone. It's impossible without higher intervention. All people have to do is ask for it to be taken from you, and it will be done. SOLUTION: asking from one's heart...and believing that it will be done. Great post. :)See More

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  10. Charlie...

    Thank you for being so honest. I really believe it is true when you said "A person cannot relieve their grief alone. Its impossible without higher intervention.". So true. I am sorry for the losses that you've experienced throughout your life, but I also see God using you to direct others through their times of grief and into a new day of joy. Your solution "asking from one's heart and believing it will be done", speaks of true faith, true trust in God...and for sure, that is necessary...and sometimes the most difficult for our stubborn, independent human hearts to do! So glad you were able to. It took me too long to do that myself but I thank God for the grace and patience to help me come to that point.
    ~blessings

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  11. Grief is a complicated topic as you mentioned and moving forward in life without a loved one isn't so easy; there is no magic potion to suddenly feel better. Through Christ one can began to ease the chains of grief but even the most devout christians are often crushed under the weight of grief.

    When Erin passed I turned towards our Saviour to lift me up from the depths of sorrow and though him I've survived, felt the constant pain ease, and witnessed glimmers of hope return to my life. He is all-mighty but it certainly takes the grieving to make the necessary steps.

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  12. We all at some point will experience grief. Each of us handle things different when we are experiencing grief. Looking back when I lost my parents three months apart and when I divorced my best friend. I realized that I didn't grieve any of those things. Instead, I kept busy and life moved on for me. One day, I was faced with the reality of it all. At first I wanted to run from it all, because I didn't want to experience the feelings. I stopped running an chose to embrace all the feelings. The good and the bad. It was liberating for me to do this. I felt the weight being removed from my shoulders. Lessons I have learned from this is: Embrace the feelings as they come and release and let them go. "Catch and Release".

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  13. Jessica, your words here have so beautifully captured the heart of the gospel: life and death, pain and sorrow, but ultimate hope and resurrection.

    I find comfort in these verses…

    … We do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13

    … Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

    …..For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17

    Our hope in the Risen Christ transcends all grief. He is our blessed hope. Thank you dear Jessica for these blessed words of hope and comfort. Today I will turn my eyes upon the only One who made this claim, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.”

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  14. "Have I known grief? Yes. I think we all have. "

    There is no getting away from grief. We WILL all experience it at times in our lives, but as you say, there is a time to let it go. I believe that all emotions are God given for a reason. If we did not experience pain and suffering, then we would not be able to experience joy and happiness. It gives us the motivation to seek the joy and happiness.
    Thank you for a useful and thought provoking article.

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  15. Cathy...thank you for sharing your experiences and stopping by. I think it is important to be true to ourselves and our emotions. There's a time for sorrow and a time for joy. There are times when grief is appopriate..but as you say, we should "catch and release" it. Releasing can be the hardest part but the most liberating!
    ~blessings

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  16. David, thank you for sharing. You bring up a good reminder..that grief, and overcoming it, comes in steps. Check out, when you can, the video my friend posted on my blog's fb page...it's about the steps of grief..I think you'd appreciate it :) http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Ascending-the-Hills/176364892416691

    ~blessings

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  17. Debra, thank you for stopping by...I'm so glad you enjoyed the post. Great Bible verses that correlate with the article..thanks! :)
    ~blessings

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  18. Thank you Marty for stopping by...I loved hearing your thoughts. "If we did not experience pain and suffering, then we would not be able to experience joy and happiness." So true, we often can define and appreciate things best when exposed to their contrasts.
    ~blessings

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  19. We are never truly prepared for the loss of a loved one. Live well, Love well, Grieve well...to Grieve is to heal. There is no time to grieving and one day, you wake up and the memories are a gentle caress...moving from stabbing pain.It is an individual journey, each weaving their way to Inner Peace within the remembering. Yes Jessica, a difficult subject, but very much needed.

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  20. Hi Jessica, I could almost feel the grief of this woman. When I lost my brother a couple of years ago I was devastated. I often used to go this his grave and just sit there and cry. I missed him so much and somehow it gave me peace and comfort knowing that he is in a place where I want to be one day. I had so many unanswered questions (his wife was pregnant with their second child). It is 10 years now and I still don´t have the answers. I still miss him but the raw sobbing is gone. It took me a couple of years to find comfort :)

    Nelieta travel blog

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  21. Hi Jessica:
    Another thought provoking post. Grieving is such a personal experience. Everyone grieves in their own way.

    My maternal grandfather passed in the early 90s. He played such a significant role in my childhood, teaching me to fish, giving my FIRST camera introducing me to my love of photography. I still miss him and think about him.

    He was the first person I lost that had the greatest impact on my life. But even when he passed I knew he still close by. Just because I can't see him and hear him doesn't mean he can't see or hear me. As you should know after reading my blog for awhile now, Jessica, I am convinced the souls of those who have passed are indeed still w/us.

    I understand how terrible a loss is for those left behind, but as for the one who has passed it should be seen as a celebration. That soul has gone home. It has become tired and has fulfilled its mission during its most recent incarnation. For that reason, *I* do not grieve a loss. I celebrate the passing.

    I understand that I *MAY BE* in the minority here and that's fine. I don't expect everyone to be where I am on this path.

    Love that you bring out such a disparate number of viewpoints here.

    Be Happy! Be Well! Be Positive!
    Blessings to you.
    --
    Chris

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  22. Raven...thank you for your reflections :) I love when you described grief as: ... an individual journey, each weaving their way to Inner Peace within the remembering.
    ~blessings

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  23. Nelieta...I am so glad that you've come to know some peace after your brother's passing. Thank you for sharing :) ~blessings

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  24. Thanks Chris,

    I always love hearing your thoughts on different topics :) I'm sorry about your grandfather's passing. I am really close to my grandfather, we have lots of memories of just him and I together, and as the years roll by he gets sicker and sicker. I don't look forward to the day I find out he's passed.

    I agree about celebrating the passing of person in the sense that all is well with their soul, they are indeed home. Anyone that has had an experience of the divine knows death is the continuation of the journey. It isn't too be feared. At the same time, I think a lot of our grief has to do with missing the person, having no possibilities of making more memories. That's what mourns me the most when I lose someone. I'm not sure if people come back and visit, I know I've heard a lot of theories about that...I'm thinking they just stay with God once they come back to Him after death...but I am no expert in that area.

    Thanks so much for sharing :) ~ blessings

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  25. Very thought provoking post, Jessica. This is something I think about a lot. On the one hand, it is great to hang up our grief and sorrow as long as we as strong enough to handle the next challenge. Life can be unpredictable and there are always challenges.

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  26. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected -- a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God for his own sins! But He was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed! All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the guilt and sins of us all; (Isaiah 53:6). It is comforting to know that Jesus has not only known our grief but carried our grief with Him to the cross. We serve a Savior that chose to carry and bear our collective sins, shame, and hurt to the cross to reconcile us and give us a relationship with His Father. I think that our loved ones that have gone on are experiencing a reality more real and comforting then our own but it still hurts because they are physically away from us. Thank you for your post.

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